December 11, 2017

 

The Aser Stories 15: Moguls

 
 
 

Dear Aser,

My ass is draggin' and I ain't gettin' any younger. What can I do about this humiliatin' sitchyation?

Moguls

So here's this aging singer who just doesn't want to admit that time does pass. She gets the neck tightened, and the breast implants, and the tummy tuck, and the arse-lift; the botox for the forehead, then collagen implants for the puffy-lips look; next couple years the eyelids need de-sagged and the dye isn't working well anymore so now we need lots of wigs. More time passes, and the still-successful singer doesn't even have a clue that it was her voice that people enjoyed. All the implants and plastic surgeries have kept her silhouette looking good, but close up, damn, she looks like the work of an apprentice taxidermist, and only the lizardmen are interested. And now she's gonna quit the business because she can no longer look good, and all that's left are past recordings.

With friends, it's never a case of age. Or if it is, they weren't friends. And with humiliation, it's never a case of age, either. Maybe it's just getting to a level of self- acceptance you should have come to long ago? Why are some people tired and some people not? No way to tell. Why are some people trolls and some people elves? Why do some people work hard and others slack off like they were trying out for the Sloth Team? There never has been an answer to those questions, and never will be, because if we were all the same, who would we want to talk about?

Dear Moguls,

Any younger than what? Maybe what you need is a change of employment. Let me suggest that you go to work as assistant to the town embalmer. No matter how old you get, you'll still be younger than DEAD.

In the meantime, send your ass to obedience school. There are few things more annoying in life than a jackass that won't listen. Or trade the donkey in on a wheelbarrow.

Aser

Article © Sand Pilarski. All rights reserved.
Published on 2007-06-04


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In the same series:

The Accursed
The Aser Stories: Sidelong
The Aser Stories 80: Cabin Fever
The Aser Stories 79: Just Don't Say It Before Spring
The Aser Stories 78: Judgment Call
The Aser Stories 77: "Are We There Yet?"
The Aser Stories 76: A Bone to Pick
The Aser Stories 75: Coalition Forces
The Aser Stories 74: Flying Monkeys
The Aser Stories 73: Elspeth, Ad Nauseam
The Aser Stories 072: Starve a Cold
The Aser Stories 071: House Call
The Aser Stories 70: Dinner Dates
The Aser Stories 69: Fire in the Hole
The Aser Stories 68: The Silk Fable
The Aser Stories 67: The Simple Life
The Aser Stories 66: For What You're Worth
The Aser Stories 65: Taking a Shot
The Aser Stories 64: Second Chances
The Aser Stories 63: The Second Step
The Aser Stories 63: Second Thoughts
The Aser Stories 60: Fish Story
The Aser Stories 59: Ace in the Hole
The Aser Stories 58: Knowledge is Power
The Aser Stories 57: Animal Tracks
The Aser Stories 56: Oz Can Keep Them All
The Aser Stories 55: Small Comfort
The Aser Stories 54: Letting Go
The Aser Stories 53: In a Spirit of Healing
The Aser Stories 52: Stinkin' Kids
The Aser Stories 51: No Words For It
The Aser Stories 50: The Friend in Need
The Aser Stories 49: Run for Cover
The Aser Stories 48: On the Fly
The Aser Stories 47: Just Thievery
The Aser Stories 46: Take My Shaman ... Please
The Aser Stories 45: Hot Stuff
The Aser Stories 44: Courtesy Call
The Aser Stories 43: Adding Insult to Injury
The Aser Stories 42: Natural Selection
The Aser Stories 41: Funny Business
The Aser Stories 40: Happy Endings
The Aser Stories 39: Working Dogs
The Aser Stories 38: Taking Sides
The Aser Stories 37: Dumb Animals
The Aser Stories 36: Harsh Words
The Aser Stories 35: Endangered Species
The Aser Stories 34: Common Language
The Aser Stories 33: Legal Torture
The Aser Stories 32: Whose Fault Is It?
The Aser Stories 31: Money Talks
The Aser Stories 30: The Perils of Sympathy
The Aser Stories 29: Raccoons
The Aser Stories 28: The Ghost of Garfer Miller
The Aser Stories 27: Dynamite
The Aser Stories 26: Junk Mail
The Aser Stories 25: Rose-Covered Cottages
The Aser Stories 24: Crime and Punishment
The Aser Stories 23: Image Is Everything
The Aser Stories 22: Is As Does
The Aser Stories 21: Gourmet Dining
The Aser Stories 20: Families and How They Are
The Aser Stories 19: The Difference Between Men and Women
The Aser Stories 18: On a Silver Platter
The Aser Stories 17: Point of View
The Aser Stories 16: Easy Street
The Aser Stories 15: Moguls
The Aser Stories 14: A Mile Toward Change
The Aser Stories 13: The Price of Freedom
The Aser Stories 12: A Question of Nudity
The Aser Stories 11: Rabbit From a Hat
The Aser Stories 10: Awards
The Aser Stories 09: On A Roll
The Aser Stories 08: Raising Children
The Aser Stories 07: Crosspasses Market
The Aser Stories 06: Judge, Jury, Shaman
The Aser Stories 05:Habit and Stubbornness
The Aser Stories 04: The Wrong Question
The Aser Stories 03: The Labor of Love
The Aser Stories 02: Soup du Jour
The Aser Stories 01: Popping the Big Question
The Aser Stories 40a: Customary Behavior
The Aser Stories 36a: Madly In Love
The Aser Stories 03a: Descent to the Underworld

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