Was It Then

So full of myself and my future.

I cannot remember your face on that night. Were you crying? Were your eyes moist? Were you eager for me to stay? To leave? Was it then you decided?

Perhaps it was then
On that third step to your house
at two-thirty on that morning
In that darkness where
thick trees excluded light
Merely shards of remaining
shadows Then a sudden coolness
as if heat dissipated leaving a
breeze deleting the detritus of three years.

On that third step in the familiarity
three years brings
From removing
Touching
Stroking
Legs and breasts smoother that anything since
Lips softer and more accepting

That very early morning – so late –
When I was traveling North
And you East
That morning, or maybe just a moment earlier,
We made our decisions.
Decisions not realized until much later.

In that moment before I had to separate
Perhaps at that very moment,
We loved
Were in love
Wanted to be in love
When love would never come again
That exquisite time when loss exerts its pull
A tug from a heart belted forever with
regret – never recovered but always
Pointing in the direction of you.