Are Humans the Pinnacle of Evolution?

Bowhead whales can live upwards of two-hundred years;
    by actuary tables, I have been dead already thirteen years.
Lizards can regrow a severed tail up to six times;
    I have cat scratches that haven’t healed in six weeks.
Alligator pears are avocados, an Aztec aphrodisiac;
    whenever I eat avocados I just get fat, not lucky.
Elephants go through six sets of teeth in a lifetime;
    I lost both sets of mine and dentures by seventy-five.
Giraffes walk double-left, double-right in a gait called pacing;
    my pace is left, double-right, with a cane -- if I don’t fall down.
Young birds leave the nest between twelve and twenty-one days;
    two of my youngsters are still hanging around after forty years.
Hairstreak butterflies and luna moths have one billion hairs each;
    of my birthright of 100,000 hairs, I may have one-tenth of them left.
Owls can see 100 times better and dilate each pupil independently;
    my asymmetric vision dilates randomly when I smoke weed.
Glass octopuses have no bones in their bodies;
    I fear the bones I have left are becoming like glass.
Some tortoises may live to be two-hundred fifty years old;
    hard-shelled, I have trouble waking up for each tomorrow.