Eddie and Kent tossed a football until Eddie missed, and the ball landed in Simon Darsonlake’s bushes, on the other side of the old curmudgeon’s driveway. Eddie’s front yard was next to a shark pit in the center of a playing-field friendly neighborhood.
Eddie crossed his arms over his chest. “Who knows what Darsonlake sprays on his yard?” People Be Gone? Or some poison he invented since he’s home almost all the time.
“Sometimes he carries big packages into his house,” Kent added. “Wonder what’s inside them.”
“Like I’d ask or want to know.”
The boys moved slowly into forbidden territory.
“It’s my ball. I’ll get it,” Kent said. He pulled his sweater over his hands and pulled ou the football as if it had fallen into a garbage disposal.
The garage door opened from the inside.
“He’s coming. Get down,” Eddie whispered.
“I’m not so good at disappearing. I get caught in school every time I do something I’m not supposed to. We’re cursed now. With the kind of curse words that I learned from my big brother.”
They squatted lower behind the bushes.
Simon called to them, “I’ll call the cops. Get out of my yard. Those bushes are toxic to deer and dogs. Don’t know about clumsy kids.”
Kent got up first by leaning on Eddie, then immediately apologized.
“If there is any damage to my property, I’ll contact your parents.” He pulled out of his driveway as the boys headed back toward Eddie’s yard.
“What a jerk!” Kent brushed debris from his pants and jacket.
“That’s an insult to jerks. But he’s gone now. I heard his muffler. Everyone in Nebraska heard his muffler. And we’re in Ohio. Let’s look around inside his house.”
“Are you nuts?” Kent smacked his friend on the shoulder. “The house is probably locked anyway.
“We can be heroes of the neighborhood if we investigate. He’s got to have some kind of secret.”
“Some kind of locked secret.”
“But he left the garage door open. Not a careful move.” Eddie walked down the driveway. “Darsonlake doesn’t have an automatic kind of garage door,” he said examining the edges. “And I bet the old guy probably forgot to lock the door to the basement when he was yelling at us.”
Kent leaned on the door. It squeaked open.
Inside was a field of white. Toilet paper. Packages stacked on top of one another. Against walls. Under windows. A ladder was leaned against the steps. The white mountains reached almost to the ceiling.
“Jeez, Eddie, there’s enough for every outhouse in the world.”
“Let’s go to my house and play video games.” Eddie shook his head. “We don’t need to check out every outhouse in the world.”
“Yeah. Video characters never have to poop. This is so creepy. If I stay here any longer I’m gonna need this stuff.”
“Hey Mike,” Eddie’s Mom called to his dad. “You’ve got to come and look at the news. Simon Darsonlake. His picture. It’s on TV.”
“What?” Mike said.
Eddie’s dad put down his book and Eddie abandoned his homework.
“Yup, apparently, he was caught shoplifting toilet paper,” Eddie’s mom said. “Twice. I guess he is still stuck in that time during Covid when hoarding toilet paper was the thing.”
“Whoa!” Eddie said, in what was not his inside voice. “I wonder if he stole that whole basement full of toilet paper.”
“What do you mean?” his dad asked, in what was not a casual what’s-for-dinner tone.
Eddie knew he needed to tell the entire story then. He was in trouble with the house police. However, he kept his police report as simple as possible. No need to exaggerate a need for any more toilet paper or punishment than necessary.
Fortunately, all his parents did was laugh.
02/01/2024
12:31:35 PM