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November 18, 2024
"Mes de los Muertos"

Over Chai and Samosa

By Snigdha Agrawal

Amrit is pleasantly surprised to see Neeta, his junior from engineering college, at the wedding venue. Their paths had joined, then bifurcated and now crossed again. Fate indeed works in curious ways. At College, they had earned the reputation of being the most captivating couple, possessing an irresistible charm and allure, but not limited to physical assets alone. Both topping the class exams and the finals had pushed them on the popularity chart. After graduation, they lost touch with each other, preoccupied with moving into the employment track.

"Hi! Nice meeting you. I guess by now you must have been recruited by Infosys, acing in the campus interview? I hope they are not keeping you on the bench. These IT companies are known to grab the best even without projects on hand. A pool of talent to dip into whenever"! Amrit goes on blabbering, giving no chance for a response.

Neeta has a smile on her face, knowing his habit of making assumptions. "Are you done with your barrage of questions? For your information, I refused their offer at my parents' insistence. They want me to get married, and settle down, before taking up a full-time job. I'm trying to get them to change their mind. But you know how it is with parents!"

"You bet! The same thoughts are running through my parents' heads. It's pointless trying to convince them otherwise," Amrit concurs.

That their parents were long-term friends was unknown to Amrit and Neeta. Meeting after two decades at the wedding reception of a common friend's daughter's wedding was a sheer coincidence. Watching them from afar the Duggal and the Bansal couples have similar images racing in their minds...what a lovely pair they would make and that too from the same community. Both speak aloud their thoughts simultaneously. By mutual consent, a formal meeting is arranged at the Duggal's house in Greater Kailash. At the opportune moment, they would announce the proposed betrothal, assuming that Amrit her son would accept Neeta Bansal as his life partner.

Excited, Mrs Duggal expresses her wish to Mrs Bansal to get the 'Roka' ceremony (engagement) done the same evening, as is customary. In cahoots with their husbands, it is agreed to complete the formalities the same evening. Without losing any time, the mothers go out shopping. Mrs Duggal for jewellery, new clothes, silver anklets, and toe rings for gifting to Neeta, on the auspicious evening; a Rolex wristwatch gift for Amrit, from the Bansal's side. All to be kept under wraps. A surprise for their children.

On the appointed day the Bansals arrive with Neeta dressed in casuals...jeans and a top—her favoured attire. No way was she going to be persuaded to dress in formal clothes, for an informal occasion. Especially when it was to spend an evening with the family friends over chai, samosa, and the usual chit-chat between families, as communicated to her. Too scared of letting out the secret and spoiling the surprise, Mrs. Bansal doesn't pursue further.

For both Amrit and Neeta, this is a double surprise when they meet again. Sitting across each other, they can't stifle the amused looks on their faces. Should they confess? With a wicked look on his face, Amrit puts his finger on his closed lips, signalling to play ignorant. In other words, let the charade continue and watch how the evening pans out. Neeta is quick to pick up the vibes and correctly interpret his body language.

While the snacks are being passed around, Mrs Duggal's eldest daughter enters the living room carrying a huge tray covered with a satin cloth. "Surprise...surprise!" she exclaims with delight. The parents jump to their feet and with great flourish announce "We have agreed to seal this relationship between friends with the marriage of our children." Not expecting this outcome, Neeta is shell-shocked. Why wasn't she consulted? What right did her parents have to decide on her behalf?

Amrit looks perplexed. What was this drama unfolding before them? Though he is certainly not averse to the idea.

Taking aside Neeta, her mother pleads "Please accept this proposal. The family is known to us and Amrit is perfectly suited for you and in the same profession. We feel that the match would be an ideal one." A little bit of persuasion on the part of both sides' parents gets the couple to agree with the clear understanding that Neeta would not be the typical stay-at-home housewife. Her career is as important to her as Amrit's. Heads nod in agreement as the 'Roka' ceremony progresses, with Mrs Duggal hooking on the heavy gold necklace with a diamond pendant around Neeta's neck, slipping in the matching earrings through the holes in her ear lobes.

Neeta is embarrassed by all these gifts. Next, her would-be sister-in-law asks her to take off her socks to put on the toe rings and ankles. "I'll do it myself," she objects, not used to exposing her feet.

"Nahee beta, this is a rewaz" (No, dear this is a custom), Mrs Duggal insists. Neeta peels off her socks. A deafening silence of shock and surprise descends on the room.

The white patches on Neeta's feet, spread up to her ankles, have a startling effect on everyone present, the 'let down' looks on their faces pronouncedly visible. Namrata, the sister-in-law, a doctor by profession immediately recognizes it as vitiligo, a long-term condition with pale white patches developing on the skin, caused by the lack of melanin, the pigment in the skin. Apologetically, Mrs Bansal starts to explain that Neeta is being treated for it by a skin specialist.

Seeing the consternating exchange of looks, Neeta stands up with indignant fury and what follows stumps all present. "No need to apologise, Ma. Let me explain. Yes, I have vitiligo and there is no guarantee that it will not spread to other body parts. It's good that you noticed it and can now decide whether I will make a suitable bride for your son." Her mother tries to stop her. But nothing can hold back the tirade.

"So, for you, I am merely a commodity sold in the market, to be sized and checked like a tomato which you turn over and minutely inspect to detect if there are any puncture marks, hard enough, red enough to be used in your salad? Next, you would like medical certificates as well to satisfy yourself that I am a virgin and that my production machinery is in working order? What if I asked Amrit the same questions? What if I demanded to know that Amrit was capable of fathering children? Will he be able to satisfy me in all respects? Your society is skewed. On the one hand, you want to ensure the bride you want for your son is perfect in all respects, and on the other hand, the bride is left in the dark about the groom. Is that fair? I refuse to enter into this alliance where I will be under the microscope forever." Out of breath, she takes off all the ornaments and gifts, placing them next to the cup of chai that has turned cold, the half-bitten collapsed samosa, identical to the crushed look on Amrit's face.

Signalling to her parents to leave, the three walk out the door, leaving the Duggal family speechless.

Two days later a letter arrives in the mail addressed to Neeta from Amrit, apologizing for what happened at the ceremony. "I sincerely regret for all that happened on the 26th and I admire your forthrightness and the way you handled the situation. May I request you reconsider your decision? I am sure of my decision to marry you. I respect your views and that has more than convinced me. Tomorrow I could develop something more serious than Vitiligo. Life is full of uncertainties. We don't make life decisions based on what the future may hold for us. I will be waiting for your favourable response..."

Neeta tears up the letter into shreds. She is not a commodity to be traded in the marriage market!!!

* * *

Her story of rejection is well documented and in the public domain, since she switched careers from being an IT professional to joining and heading the Women on Wings NGO working on Women Empowerment. Neeta never shies away from public appearances. Her skin discolouration full up to her face, never acts as a deterrent. The 'unpretty woman' referred to often, celebrates her flaws with confidence and grace.

All ears in the audience stay tuned, eyes closed, assimilating her words. The lights on the podium are dimmed. She sits straight, her face in the shadow, dupatta pulled over her head down to her eyes. From a distance, her features are indistinguishable. The audience waits with bated breath to hear the lady who had given up a lucrative career to serve and empower women left on the fringes of society because of 'being less than the image of a woman carved out by men.'

A motley crowd, they are from all walks of life and of different profiles. Urban, rural, students, privileged and the underprivileged. They need to be heard and she is here to lend her ears and her advice.

Her words of consolation are like balm to their punctured souls. Her encouragement to fight the system adds a new dimension to their thinking.

"And if you can't fight them, move on" is her advice to all.





(Edited and expanded version of the story published in The Cultural Reverence.)



Article © Snigdha Agrawal. All rights reserved.
Published on 2024-04-08
Image(s) are public domain.
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