Tongue in Cheek

By The Tongue

The Tongue - thetongue@filthypikers.com

Welcome to the Real World

I heard a famous entertainer say the other day that war and fighting 'are never the answer' and that for us to live in peace, we just have to have no enemies.

...What?

Lady, welcome to the real world. Here's a map. Ride a bus in Israel. Walk down any street in Gaza or the West Bank. Stop by any school in Bosnia and ask why it has a barbed wire fence around it.

(Bosnian girl) "Oh, that was when we were imprisoned, then raped by fifty soldiers each."

(Entertainer) "Oh. I'm for sex education, but did they remember the condoms?"

Drive down the streets of Somalia. Careful, those are bodies, not speed bumps.

(Entertainer) "Wow! They are so lucky! Look at how skinny they are! Wonder what diet they're on..." (The conversation ends there as one of the hundreds of terrorists that live there blow up the car.)

Let's head to Iraq for the Sean Penn Children's Hospital Tour. Smile for the cameras. Wave. Now, let's head north to Turkey, where we can visit the Kurds that the Iraqis shipped up there. I wonder why the Iraqis ran us off the road.

(Iraqi tour guide) "Oh, we can't go there. The Kurds are so well fed and taken care of that they are all... uh, sleeping. We will spend the night in one of their confiscated houses instead!"

I won't even go into what these people have suffered at the hands of the Iraqis. Okay, maybe I will. Gas, rape, torture, mutilation, starvation, etcetera...

Now maybe you want all these murderous regimes to be your friends.

(Entertainer) "We could drink cafe mocha latte and then talk about me and the baby seals and live in peace and love!"

Hmm. Or maybe the world is ugly and in many places the ugly people rule. I'm real sorry if you can't live in this world, Miss Famous Entertainer, but please, for the rest of us who do - shut up.