The Dark Knight Rises: Movie Review

By Bernie and Sand Pilarski

Sand said:

There's a fine line in taste.

I make a garlic and parsley paste called "chimichurri" and I love it passionately, especially on French bread. Bernie is not so fond of it ... until he mixes it with mayonnaise and uses it as a sauce on chicken fritters and whatever. Oddly enough, once the chimichurri is mixed with mayo, I can't stand it, won't eat it, don't even want to smell it.

This is all a matter of personal preferences, just as movie appreciation is.

The Dark Knight Rises was a real delight for me. I liked the delving into Bruce Wayne's reclusion and subsequent re-immersion into Gotham City's plight. I enjoyed the characters' interplay, from Alfred the faithful house manager to Selina the Cat Burglar to Bruce's beat-up and almost totally down-and-out alter ego of the Batman.

Gary Oldman was perfect, as always, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt was adorable, as always. Tom Hardy played the focus villain, Bane ... but with a mask over his face; only his shoulders and biceps made him recognizable, so that was kind of a loss for the film. Marion Cotillard was her usual nasal-accented semi-evil chick -- no news there, I usually prefer that someone would off her and stuff her down the nearest outhouse.

The story? Bruce Wayne has retired as Batman, and is holed up in his mansion, a virtual hermit, not to mention crippled up from all his crime-fighting exploits. Alas, Gotham City is threatened by a villain called Bane, who seeks to fulfill the aims of the League of Shadows and destroy the corrupted city. The cyber-theft of Bruce's riches for use of the destruction of the city prods Bruce to don the symbolic Batman identity again.

Will he have the physical acumen to tackle Bane? Will he have the guts that it will take to accept that Bane is his superior in combat?

I felt that this was a fitting end to Nolan's trilogy. Where any other movie Batman goes is up to Hollywood.

Bernie (the handsome, clean-cut movie reviewer for The Piker Press) said:

"I've just been to see the new Batman movie, and it's really good!"

Evil Bernie (the one that looks like Bernie but has a van dyke beard and nasty shadows around his eyes and nose caused by the flashlight that is being held just under his chin) says: "Is that right? So it was a really good story, huh?"

Bernie: "You bet." Long, long pause. "Well, not actually. It's got some real issues. I was expecting a bit more from Christopher Nolan, but it was pretty good nonetheless."

Evil Bernie: "Pretty good? It sucked, didn't it?"

Bernie: "Gasp! No! It did not suck ... much. There were little sucky bits -- the story was a little forced and contrived, with big clunky hunks of backstory hanging out here and there and a few rabbits pulled out of hats -- but not anything that distracts from the overall good impression of the movie."

Evil Bernie: "So not well-written, but the acting really made it more that it might have been?"

Bernie: "Exactly." Long pause. "Well, not actually. I was a little disappointed by the fact that Tom Hardy wears this mask thing over his face for the whole movie that covers everything but his eyeballs, and even if there was an Oscar category for Best Eyeball Movement, I don't think Hardy would be in the running -- Tom Hiddleston who played Loki in The Avengers would have it hands down. Christian Bale mumbles a lot. Gary Oldman, Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman all do pretty well, but they don't have much to do. Anne Hathaway as the Catwoman was cool, but her character was kind of shoe-horned in and not really given any relevance. The bright spot was Marion Cotillard who breathed a great deal of life into the Miranda Tate character."

Evil Bernie: "Sand will disagree with you there. She doesn't like Cotillard."

Bernie: "She doesn't like me messing with her chimichurri either."

Evil Bernie: "So, it's not well written, nor is the acting particularly good ... "

Bernie: "Except for Cotillard."

Evil Bernie: "Except for Cotillard. So it must mean that was a technically really good movie -- visually stunning, good sound, great effects."

Bernie: "Oh, let me tell you. Good? This movie was great." Long, long, long pause. "Well, not actually. There was a really remarkable opening sequence involving the hijacking of a plane, but after that, it was competent, but not brilliant. Nolan's no amateur, so this was a slick movie, but nothing groundbreaking."

Evil Bernie: "You didn't like this movie, did you?"

Bernie: "Loved it. It was my kind of movie."

Evil Bernie: "Admit it: it sucked."

Bernie: "No, it didn't. It was fun, bold, escapist entertainment, a summer blockbuster." Long pause. "Except that it just didn't seem to be up to the wow factor that I've come to expect from Christopher Nolan. That said, I'm guessing that a bad Chris Nolan movie would be better than most good movies from most other directors."

Evil Bernie: "It sucked."

Bernie: "It didn't!"

Evil Bernie: "Did."

Bernie: "Didn't. You're evil. You make me feel bad about really liking this movie!"

Evil Bernie: "Bwah-hah-hah-ha."

Bernie: "I don't like you!"

Evil Bernie: "You need me, though. You don't have the ganas to call a spade a spade. I am what makes it possible for you to be a reviewer."

Bernie: "Now I'm really sad because I really liked this movie."

Evil Bernie: "Ah, c'mere kid and give me a hug. We'll get through this together. There's lots of people like you and me out there, people who like stuff that they know is not as good as it could have been."

Bernie: "Maybe you're not so bad after all."

Evil Bernie: "Possibly. But you're still stupid. Bwah-hah-hah-ha."