We Are All Cowards

In the end, there will be no heroes. Only cowards. It's only human so the sooner we accept that the sooner we can get to dying.

Kind of crude? Perhaps, but reality is nothing like the movies. Sure, we all like to think that we will miraculously rise to the occasion and be that hero we long to emulate from the silver screens; but, like many horror and drama flicks, even the heroes have to die.

Get a grip. You'll never be that hero, so stop thinking about it and face the reality that you'll never be a hero, only a coward.

Always.

I wonder if writers -- for both screen and paper -- ever wrote themselves into their stories, allowing themselves to either be the good guy or the bad guy; the hero or the villain. But I can't think of any writer off the top of my head who would write themselves as cowards. That would be just too close to the truth, don't you think?

I for one am a writer, and many times I do write myself in stories mostly as the main protagonist who usually ends up becoming a heroine/hero of some sorts. You see, I try to find something within the main character, myself, that could be of some value to others, and of course, in the hope of being able to save those who I care about.

C'mon, let's get real. Could I really stand in the face of mortal danger and risk my life for others? Honestly, I'd probably would break out in sweat and soil myself, and then I'd run.

Unlike my characters, I am a coward through and through. There is no hope for me.

Yes, I'm belittling myself, but it's the honest truth!

I am not a soldier. I am not a police officer. I am not a doctor. I am not a firefighter. I don't put my life on the line day in and day out for the betterment of society. It was my choice NOT to. Well, perhaps that's not the whole truth.

I wanted to remain hidden, but noticed at the same time. I want to add value to others rather than be a burden.

But ...

I'm a person with not just one disability, but two. For these reasons, I feel like I am less than a whole human being. Inferior to those who are able-bodied.

For these reasons, I feel like a coward and not a hero. I will always be that one to slow others down, or the first to be killed.

And that scares me beyond anything. No, not of death ... but to be the cause of death of others who come in contact with me.

Instead of coming to people's rescue, or helping the wounded or the afflicted, I choose to turn away and flee. Not for my benefit, but for theirs.

I fear that my disabilities would hurt others more than it would help them. I would much rather sacrifice myself, so that they would have the opportunity to get to safety. To save themselves. To live.

Does that make me a coward?

So be it.