That Letter to Earth from the Rotuscans

If we came away with any lasting image
from your planet, it was of Christopher Columbus.
No, not the Christopher Columbus
who brings disease to other lands,
who destroys civilizations,
uproots their religions,
though we do apologize for influenza,
the current dilapidated state of Coney Island,
and the life and teachings of Aimee Semple McPherson.

But it's the dimwitted Christopher Columbus
we sympathize with, adore even,
the navigation-challenged sailor
bound for the East Indies
who Nina-ed and Pinta-ed and
Santa Maria-ed his knuckle-headed way
to the sunny shores of the Bahamas.

True, your oceans are but a
mouthful of Genoan spit in the ocean
compared to the dark and unforgiving
latitudes and longitudes of deep space.
But a screwup is a screwup,
even an interstellar one.

So it's Christopher we take back with us,
the God of blunders, of
'jeez which way is up?'

Still, we can live with that.
We were headed for
the seven moons of Gambion.
And we ended up on the Earth.
By the way, June the 22nd
is officially Rotuscan Day.
Please mark it on your calendars.