Headline: Washing Machine Eats Socks

Old washing machine has a vociferous appetite
for anything that descends into its bowels in pairs,
last week it consumed my wife's perfect pink underwear,
leaving her the faded blue one with its badly ripped seam,

only two weeks ago, two tee shirts went in,
one green, one beige, only the green one came out,
today the Kenmore attacked my socks, finishing
its cycle with one grey, one black, when I know
a pair of each was there when start was pressed.

Somewhere in applianceland I'm sure there's a creature
dressed in pink underwear, beige tee, and a pair
of mismatched socks, one grey, one black,
along with a long missing red scarf around its neck,
my old khaki shorts snuggly around its waist happily
drinking coffee from a mug and eating a steak dinner
from a plate -- both of which went into the dishwasher
but never came out -- ready to drive away in my Camry
using the car keys that never reappeared
after I swear I placed them in the dish by the front door.