December 11, 2017

 

The Aser Stories 02: Soup du Jour

 
 
 

"I never know what to cook..."


Early this morning, I open the door of the tree trunk that supports the front of my cave, and there's a note stuck in the door with one of those cheap daggers you find in the "Dollar Days Sale" bins, three in a package. Luckily for the note writer, there's also a little silver piece folded into the paper.

The note says, "My domestic tranquility is threatened because I never know what to cook in the evenings. Can you find me a divining spell so that I can know how to choose auspicious meals?"

In the first place, I know this note is stuck in the door of my house because if I'd been asked this question in person, I'd have had my staff knocking some sense into the head that was asking. Still, the silver will get enough putty to fill in the gouges and dinners for the week besides.

In the second place, this is a question that plagues only persons that have enough silver to seek to buy spells or menu selections or hack at people's front doors.

In the third place, I plan on keeping the silver, and maybe getting more from the same source, so here is my suggestion.

Make a list of all the things you can eat.

Cross off the list all the things you won't eat. (Some people simply will not even sample skunk, for instance.)

Write down on another piece of paper, "Oatmeal and dried beans."

The next step is like a personality quiz: do you love the market, with its daily haggling for the freshest goods and the best price? Or do you hate bumping shoulders with barbarians and dwarves and lizard-persons? If you hate the market, then what you do is get a goat at the beginning of the week, and the menus run as follows. Firstday, roast goat. Twosday, sliced goat with goat gravy. Thirdday, chopped goat over steamed grain with goat gravy. Midweek, goat stew with herbs to kill the smell. Fifthday, bread because the smell of goat will make you gag. Sixthday, soup made from stock from goat bones with lots of onions. Lastday, oatmeal or beans.

On the other hand, if you like the market, just go down there each morning and see what looks good. If nothing does, try just having oatmeal or beans every day for a week and a lot more things will look like they want to be cooked on your hearth, and will seem auspicious as well.

Incidentally, spells, divining or otherwise, cost two gold pieces, payable in advance.

Article © Sand Pilarski. All rights reserved.
Published on 2007-02-12


0 Reader Comments
Add your own comments!
The Piker Press moderates all comments. The commenting policy can be found
here.
Name

Email

Comments




In the same series:

The Accursed
The Aser Stories: Sidelong
The Aser Stories 80: Cabin Fever
The Aser Stories 79: Just Don't Say It Before Spring
The Aser Stories 78: Judgment Call
The Aser Stories 77: "Are We There Yet?"
The Aser Stories 76: A Bone to Pick
The Aser Stories 75: Coalition Forces
The Aser Stories 74: Flying Monkeys
The Aser Stories 73: Elspeth, Ad Nauseam
The Aser Stories 072: Starve a Cold
The Aser Stories 071: House Call
The Aser Stories 70: Dinner Dates
The Aser Stories 69: Fire in the Hole
The Aser Stories 68: The Silk Fable
The Aser Stories 67: The Simple Life
The Aser Stories 66: For What You're Worth
The Aser Stories 65: Taking a Shot
The Aser Stories 64: Second Chances
The Aser Stories 63: The Second Step
The Aser Stories 63: Second Thoughts
The Aser Stories 60: Fish Story
The Aser Stories 59: Ace in the Hole
The Aser Stories 58: Knowledge is Power
The Aser Stories 57: Animal Tracks
The Aser Stories 56: Oz Can Keep Them All
The Aser Stories 55: Small Comfort
The Aser Stories 54: Letting Go
The Aser Stories 53: In a Spirit of Healing
The Aser Stories 52: Stinkin' Kids
The Aser Stories 51: No Words For It
The Aser Stories 50: The Friend in Need
The Aser Stories 49: Run for Cover
The Aser Stories 48: On the Fly
The Aser Stories 47: Just Thievery
The Aser Stories 46: Take My Shaman ... Please
The Aser Stories 45: Hot Stuff
The Aser Stories 44: Courtesy Call
The Aser Stories 43: Adding Insult to Injury
The Aser Stories 42: Natural Selection
The Aser Stories 41: Funny Business
The Aser Stories 40: Happy Endings
The Aser Stories 39: Working Dogs
The Aser Stories 38: Taking Sides
The Aser Stories 37: Dumb Animals
The Aser Stories 36: Harsh Words
The Aser Stories 35: Endangered Species
The Aser Stories 34: Common Language
The Aser Stories 33: Legal Torture
The Aser Stories 32: Whose Fault Is It?
The Aser Stories 31: Money Talks
The Aser Stories 30: The Perils of Sympathy
The Aser Stories 29: Raccoons
The Aser Stories 28: The Ghost of Garfer Miller
The Aser Stories 27: Dynamite
The Aser Stories 26: Junk Mail
The Aser Stories 25: Rose-Covered Cottages
The Aser Stories 24: Crime and Punishment
The Aser Stories 23: Image Is Everything
The Aser Stories 22: Is As Does
The Aser Stories 21: Gourmet Dining
The Aser Stories 20: Families and How They Are
The Aser Stories 19: The Difference Between Men and Women
The Aser Stories 18: On a Silver Platter
The Aser Stories 17: Point of View
The Aser Stories 16: Easy Street
The Aser Stories 15: Moguls
The Aser Stories 14: A Mile Toward Change
The Aser Stories 13: The Price of Freedom
The Aser Stories 12: A Question of Nudity
The Aser Stories 11: Rabbit From a Hat
The Aser Stories 10: Awards
The Aser Stories 09: On A Roll
The Aser Stories 08: Raising Children
The Aser Stories 07: Crosspasses Market
The Aser Stories 06: Judge, Jury, Shaman
The Aser Stories 05:Habit and Stubbornness
The Aser Stories 04: The Wrong Question
The Aser Stories 03: The Labor of Love
The Aser Stories 02: Soup du Jour
The Aser Stories 01: Popping the Big Question
The Aser Stories 40a: Customary Behavior
The Aser Stories 36a: Madly In Love
The Aser Stories 03a: Descent to the Underworld

Other articles by Sand Pilarski you might enjoy...

After Life 07
After Life 06
After Life 05
After Life 04
After Life 03
After Life 02
After Life
Fever Dreams 117
Remembered Flavors: Tony's Salad and Firehouse Chicken
Out with the Trash 32
Out with the Trash 31
Out with the Trash 30
Out with the Trash 29
Out with the Trash 28
Out with the Trash 27
Out with the Trash 26
Out with the Trash 25
Out with the Trash 24
Out with the Trash 23
Out with the Trash
Out with the Trash 21
Out with the Trash 20
Out with the Trash 19
Out with the Trash 18
Out with the Trash 17
Super Sport: Book Review
Out with the Trash 16
Out with the Trash 15
Out with the Trash 14
Out with the Trash 13